I had an audition today, so I was up bright and early to get ready and head to that. It’s kind of nice because I definitely feel like I’m making headway there–after a long while where I couldn’t go to a lot of auditions it’s just nice to be able to do some shooting and start getting back into it. Recently, I also got an email from The Voice, inviting me to come back and audition for them again, so I may also do that. I’m about a year away from graduating from graduate school, and truly, I still have no idea what direction I’m going in.
Yesterday, I had an interview for a pretty interesting position with a University–doing multiple very relevant-to-me tasks, and it sounds like it’ll allow me to really branch out and learn some new skills. During the interview, one of the interviewers asked me: “So, with your degree and your grad school, where do you see yourself heading?” Now, honestly, I dread that question at the best of times…but right now? AWFUL. Mostly because I truly have no idea. I flounder for a while with that one, and this time, I ultimately said: “I’m not really sure!”
I think it appears like I have no direction, but really the problem is that I have too many directions, haha! I want to go in all of them. So, that’s kind of the plan! I’ve been putting in for a lot more auditions lately, and I’m about to start a part-time job, with the hope of getting an additional internship. Ideally, I’ll still be able to work around these to make it to auditions and to travel, and the like. More and more, I’m transitioning from being scared to being excited, so that’s a great move in a direction that I appreciate!
The fear is a difficult thing to overcome. Fear of failure, for me (and I think everyone), is an intense, living thing in my soul. That feeling where your heartbeat starts to feel like it’s on the outside of your body and your breath starts to come in short bursts? An old, dear friend. And wanting to do multiple things doesn’t help. If anything, it makes it worse! SO MANY MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO FAIL.
BUT! I like to tell people: if you weren’t scared, you wouldn’t care enough. I mean, would you rather be scared of failure, or upset because you failed, OR would you rather never do anything you cared about that much?? So, I’m trying something new these days. With so many different things that I want to do, so many options, so many paths I could walk, I’m using my fear. When I try out for things or put my name in for jobs, or freelance assignments, or whatever the case may be…if I’m not at least a little scared or nervous about it, I’m cutting it out. Honestly, I haven’t cut out much (lol) yet, but I’m hopeful! In the meantime, what’s wrong with trying several things?? I may not have a lot of free time (other than the time I forcefully waste), but I get to do a lot of different things every day! I get to try new stuff, and have different experiences every day. All in all, not a bad way, I think.
In any case, I’m not willing to give up on any of my dreams yet, and I don’t see any reason why I should. Even if I take a path that I end up not finishing…the experience will still be valuable. Even if my feet get a little dirty, I got a workout in. I had an audition today, and I’ll take it if I can. I had an interview yesterday, and I’ll take that if I can, too. I refuse to believe that having multiple dreams is a bad thing.
I think failure isn’t an option because really it doesn’t exist. If you don’t achieve what your goal was, then your goal shifts, OR you try again. On that note, I have another audition next week. LOL.
What are your dreams? How do you beat or use your fear??